I believe when somebody desire to know someone they see this someone as a carbon. There's a brilliance to a carbon like of a diamond that they want to excavate it. However some people who will chip and chip away every part of a carbon until there would no more left.

Xifos, a good friend

something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long
no matter what i say or do i'll still feel you here 'til the moment i'm gone

you hold me without touch
you keep me without chains
i never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

set me free, leave me be
i don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
here i am and i stand so tall, just the way i'm supposed to be
but you're on to me and all over me

you love me 'cause i'm fragile
when i thought that i was strong
but you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone

i live here on my knees as i try to make you see that you're everything
i think i need here on the ground
but you're neither friend nor foe though i can't seem to let you go
the one thing that i still know is that you're keeping me down

The holiday gave me so much free time to just sit around and relax. Except for this fever which is dragging me lately, forcing me to stay home and rest, my time is being spent watching DVDs, cleaning my stuff and refreshing my accounts. I miss all of these. I haven't spent this much time online except when Im busy checking my jobstreet emails from Lina LOL and looking what job opportunites I got available.

While some of you are busy hitting the beach this holiday or for some people I know reflecting and praying, I got myself busy googling cool stuff online. Nope, Im not solely concentrated on porn stuff LOL My first stop...the audio files.

My taste in music definetely changed from 3eb to Stereophonics, from Imbruglia to Frou Frou. I also have been watching and buying too many series which influences my préférence de musique. OC still remains to be the top show which features unnoticeably cool artists. When i first listen to their Mix 1, I got hooked. Thanks to my OC fanatic officemate who generously lend me not only the series but the music CDs too. Their current mix features Youth Group who has a fantastic version of Forever Young. It is not a disappointment to buy this 500 bucks CD coz all songs are pretty cool. The last track of which is from UK artist Imogen Heap. She together with Madonna helped to form the band Frou Frou. She too was part of this band which was featured in that movie by Zach Braf - Garden State. Her track Hide and Seek is a masterpiece. It's a treat listening to it over and over without getting tired.

My friend bought the Nip/Tuck series. I have heard about it but I wasnt really guning of buying one. It wasn't bad at all, the scenes are grotesquely enjoyable. They featured Tori Amos' A Sorta Fairytale which is really good. 

I have downloaded pretty much everything I want to listen to this weekend. I'll forget I'm sick and stuck alone at home LOL

Im writing out of sadness and pain that I feel today. I've gone from one city to another to run away from the sadness and pain and find comfort on the things and places that I have always thought as my oasis. Im back to where I started. At this very moment, I now feel safe.

I'm again faced by the reality that I'm alone and I can't depend on anyone but myself. The same reality that I was trying to run away from since I can remember. I was forced to be brave, trust little. But despite this, I always try to find the goodness in people. Hoping one day I can prove that I'm worth of their love. Wishing that one day I could stop worrying knowing someone is there for me and I will be safe.

I'm sorry to just throw everything here. I don't want my sadness to come to you and I certainly don't want pity. I know that I will sooner or later feel better

I have long considered that love goes beyond the warm feeling that envelops one's heart. Now, it's a decision. A choice to commit myself completely to the person I want to be with. The person, I want to be happy and help in making that happiness a reality.

Love always needs to be tested, inexplicably. It doesn't settle for its goodness. It asks for you to equate the amount of love and the bruise you got. Recently, I was again put in a circumstance which threatened my ability to decide. The events were too familiar that I was given a choice to alter possible conclusion. When love plays a big trick, life puts a bigger twist.

This time, my heart seems to have decided, ahead of me, that I will love you. And no matter how hard I try to tell myself, to convince myself, to force myself that I must stop loving you because you bruised me, I can not.  You do not want to love me because you fear the risk. I say that I fear the pain that you might love me for all the wrong reasons.

I have become someone I love and someone I am proud of because of you. This is my declaration of love to you. You took me down from the pedestal that I have placed my self in. In your presence, I am humbled. In your being there, I become real. In your company, I begin to feel the emotions that I have lost. With you, I can let go of all the foot holds of strength and power that I have constructed for myself to protect me. With you, I become free. With you, I embrace my weakness and I revel in it. I love being weak because then I can find solace in your arms. I can stop being strong. I am tired of always standing alone.

Sure, love begets love. But it's only when you decide that everything else follows. You have finally come to me.